Sunday, August 27, 2017

TRIP TO THE OPTOMETRIST


Not very often do I get to be around people more my own age. Well, maybe more than my age. More like “elderly” and up to really old. The old enough to warrant a care-giver, or as I call them, Keepers.


Today was a trip to the eye doc for a yearly exam and a short wait in the waiting-room with other patients. Most were on their cell phones, a few were just staring off into the space in front of them and a little ole lady with a voice that could peel the varnish off a violin with volume to match. She said she was surprised that this place looks so different than the last time. Her keeper said, in a normal tone of voice and volume, “That was the heart doctors office.” pause.. she then said she had some candy that she would eat afterward and you know she had to hide it when the kids come over? The eye assistant called her name and she was aided into the inner sanctum of the medical system.

The rest of us returned to our phones and idle chat. At least I was listening to the conversation across from me while playing my phones Solitaire. The guy with the Santa Claus beard was telling the ‘staring into space’ lady next to him that he was 69 years old, plays Santa at Roaring Camp, a musician, has a band, pilot, lawyer, Indian chief….and I lost interest. Lamest pick-up line I ever heard. I couldn’t tell if he was making any headway as the lady only blinked as she retreated further into herself. Santa was on a roll and kept his patter going as I returned to my Solitaire game.

Heard a guy checking in at the desk behind me being asked his name and date of birth. “John -mumble-, 1954—wheeze.”  Admitted, I felt him sit down behind me so I didn’t see much other than the quick glimpse when he said 1954. That puts him 12 years younger than me! Life has not been kind to John -mumble-. “wheeze.”

My time in purgatory was cut short soon because my name was called to see the doc. I did a scan of the waiting room as I left, to see what we all looked liked. Some a little older than others and most all white or grey haired. Lets just say, “People of a Certain Age” Can’t guess at the older 'candy' ladies age but I put it near a century. Maybe 90’s for sure just by her voice.

I know than when I look out from inside me, I still see myself, mentally, as a physical 35 year old. My body doesn’t see it the same way so it complains just to be irritable. Having this daily dose of unreality, I kind of live in that fantasy so when I see people not even near my same age; decrepit looking and physically debilitated, old looking like my grandparents always looked...I wonder?
I wonder what it is that they see when they look out from themselves? Perhaps the “staring off into space” lady was experiencing the first time the foot ball hero asked her to the prom and how exciting it was and how she lost her virginity that night? “ "...and then I was an astronaut..walked on the moon ya know…”

Eye exam went well. Slight case of cataracts, no Mac-degenerating, healthy eyeball things. My shooting eye needs a little correction so my perfection of sight will still be better than most. Those are the ones that drive extremely slower than me because they have no depth perception Like our car, Lex, has this built in warning system when one is close to another vehicle. Or bush. Or stop sign or light pole. Bicyclist  pedestrians. You name it, anything denser than steam sets it off! 
It has me so rattled that I get nervous parking and end up diagonal to the parking lines, Then the front and back warning sirens begin and I have to re-park not much better than the first attempt.

Driving with dilated eyes is a real treat. One must do it, like ever so Never!